I only get this feeling once a year.
It’s stronger and more powerful than the one I get when I hear that the Apple store has gone down in anticipation of a new product launch.
You see, this is the feeling of powerful indifference I get when, just before the launch of a new iPhone, Apple tells you the last iPhone is the one you should get.
Cupertino follows me to the televisation of my favorite sporting events and pumps ads at me — ads that say: “The iPhone You’re Bored Hearing About! It’s So Cool!”
This year, however, it’s as if Apple may have realized this isn’t the best strategy. Instead, I’ve been assaulted with an entirely new message — and it’s not even about iPhone 13.
Instead, it’s an ad that asks a simple question: “What’s In Apple One?”
Honestly, I have little idea. I know it’s some sort of bargain bundle of software, with various tiers depending on your level of Apple software dependence.
Here, the ad lists all the marvellous things you can get: Apple Music, Apple Fitness+, Apple TV+, Apple News+, Apple Arcade and Apple iCloud+.
This instantly leads me to one stern thought — why is there no Apple Music+ or Apple Arcade+? That’s surely a desperate omission.
Naturally, the ad bounces along to quirky, a quirky tune as it goes through each service in turn.
Apple Music has “Spatial Audio”, Apple Fitness+ has “Every Kind of Workout”, and Apple TV+ has “The Biggest Stars.”
Which makes me feel sorry for Apple Arcade. It merely has 200 ad-free games. An odd enticement from the company that seems highly enthused about giving customers more ads rather than fewer.
Ultimately, one is left slightly breathless. So much so that one can’t actually be bothered to see which packages include how much software and cost how much.
Also: They both used Apple AirTags to track their possessions. Only one turned out well
Now, why would Apple be peddling Apple One at this particular time?
iPhone 14 is being launched, so forceful rumors have it, on September 7. Could this ad mean that Apple wants you to dig yourself more deeply into its ecosystem before the new phone arrives?
Could this, in turn, mean that Apple fears iPhone 14 won’t be all that?
Oh, come now. Surely it’ll have a better camera. Every iPhone does.
Every iPhone ad tells me so.